I had a bad day. Looking back on it now, two years removed, I can laugh about it, but at the time and for several months to follow it was just a BAD….a REALLY REALLY BAD day.

A buddy of mine is an Agriculture teacher and FFA club leader at one of the local high schools. As a club activity, they decided to go kayaking and canoeing, and I was invited to tag along. I got to the meeting location where we were going to leave our cars and be bussed to our launch point. This was where I encountered my first problem:  there were two parking lots, and I wasn’t quiet sure which I needed to be in.  A small problem, but a problem none the less, I pulled into the one by the water assuming that that would be where we exited the waterway.

After a short time, a child abbductor/serial killer van pulled up ( you know the ones with the windows painted over and sliding doors in the back), and a very large inbred looking man got out and started meandering aimlessly.

Being alone with this guy didn’t seem like a good time to me, so I moved to the other lot. Not 5 minutes later, the next Ted Bundy pulled up beside my car in his creepy van. Is he following me? Is this how it all ends? Nope, not today Bundy!! I moved back to the other lot.

No joke, this creeper ends up back in the other lot with me!! Thankfully, others from the group had started to show up; unfortunately, that didn’t quell my paranoia. Now I’d gone from being murdered, to having my car broken into while I was on the water.

Not wanting to part with my wallet that contained $120 CASH, an orange gemstone, both my and my husband’s social security cards, my ID, and my bank card; I placed my wallet, car keys, and cell phone in a little bag and took it with me( I’d gone kayaking before without incident, so I figured my stuff was safer with me).

This is where I ran into my second problem: I thought my buddy said she was paying for my rental. In actuality, she had said she’d pay for my transport….oops, I didn’t bring the kayak. No worries she said, you can just canoe with two of my students she said. Eh…canoeing with a couple of 18 year old girls wouldn’t be tragic….they were old enough that I wouldn’t have to be responsible for them.

So we launched, we stopped, they peed. We re-launched, we stopped, they swam. We re-re-launched, and we were cruising along about half way through this 3 hour trip when this goober head screams, “ALLIGATOR!!!!” (As if there are actually alligators in the red river in Tennessee!! Kind of like bears in cow pastures, ha) and proceeds to attempt to stand in the front of the canoe.

If you’ve ever been in a canoe, you know that you can’t suddenly STAND in the FRONT of all places….so naturally it flipped, sending us and everything that was in the canoe (flip flops and sunglasses and MY BAG that I’d removed to put on my life vest….and our  life vests that we’d removed for ease of paddling) into the river.

The rest of the trip was us alternating between making fun of the girl who thought a LOG was an ALLIGATOR (at least the cow was a living creature), them apologizing for me losing my stuff, and me beating myself up for bringing the stuff to begin with.

I think the worst part was calling my husband on a borrowed phone to ask him to bring me the spare car key….and then getting lost on the way home because I didn’t have my phone to use for GPS.

It was a VERY BAD DAY to be Not Your Average.

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